I need to make new icons, these are getting stale ...

[quietprofanity]

Anyway, sorry about the bit of bizzaro-ness from me lately. I think I'm better now. Well, kind of. I've been thinking.


Why am I here?

I just wonder what it is I'm trying to do keeping up this LiveJournal. I could quit ... I've considered quitting a few times over the years, but I seem to keep coming back. Maybe it's just some sort of need or something like that.

But I don't know what to do at this point. My fanfic days are pretty much over. I don't make political posts. I try to avoid stuff about my job and actually most of my life now. So I just come here and bleat about fandom stuff that ... I don't know if it's that interesting. It doesn't get a wide audience besides maybe WFA on occasion but even that's kind of a joke because I'm not really into comics right now. The only comic I can really get excited about potentially reading any time soon is Black Hole, but that's been weird. (Amazon.com thought I would like it. I read the concept and it grossed me out and I didn't want to read it ... and then I kept looking at it again, and again, and again, and then saw it in the store and decided it needed to be a purchase soon.) But anyway I don't know how many people have heard of that, so whatever. Not interesting. My book obsession. Maybe somewhat interesting. I'm into video games now but talking about them makes me feel like a n00b. ("Hey, you know what's cool? Silent Hill 3!" "I got a copy of Crazy Taxi!" -- Um ... right.)

I ... have been distant, I know. Which, well, at first I felt more of a responsibility to tell people things, but then I read some old posts of a friend who wrote "This isn't an RP journal." And it's not. I can, of course, say what I want.

And weirdly enough, I seem to want some sort of audience. But I wonder why. At one point I sook people out to be my friends. Now I ... don't want to do that. I don't really feel like finding new messageboards and getting into the drama on them. It's not fun. I don't know if it's making much of a difference in the world, either. Except for fandom_wank. That's always fun. It just is. But I don't really make friends on fandom_wank.

I don't know. I know some of you well, but not others. And some people who I liked a lot are gone or near gone, and I get sad. Not all change is bad. Some people I have to admit I don't miss. And I feel better this year than I did last, but there seems to be an overhanging thought of "What's next?" I'm not sure.

I have a few plans for a different sort of Internet presence. I don't know how feasible they are. But I need a creative outlet besides work. I have a decent job; other than yesterday I like it quite a bit. But it's not too late to give up on my dreams. I just need a plan for how to achieve them.

Not now, though. I'm going to play Crazy Taxi and Silent Hill 3.

Comments

[fax-celestis.livejournal.com]

You need a creative outlet, eh? How well can you draw?

[quietprofanity.livejournal.com]

Far above stick-figure but far below talented. (I can do fanart pin-ups if you don't ask me to do backgrounds, and I took a drawing class in college and suspect I got a B- because of grade inflation.)

I'm kind of blocked as it is, though.

[fax-celestis.livejournal.com]

What would you say to a webcomic?

[quietprofanity.livejournal.com]

I'm kinda jaded on the webcomic community, to be honest. Plus, I'd want to have something markedly unique from the "My Geeky Life with My Best Friend Stand-Ins/Furries in Space with Anime Tropes" nonsense. Also, I can't draw backgrounds. So I don't think it's the best idea for me.

[fax-celestis.livejournal.com]

Well, the reason I asked is because I have a plot but can't draw worth beans. Very film-noir "WTH is going on" sort of thing. But if you're not up for it, that's fine.

[47nite.livejournal.com]

There seems to be quite the RAGING FIRESTORM OF THE APOCALYPSE buzz with LJ people currently over these so-called 'dressing room' Role Plays.

I want to care ...but I can't POSSIBLY give a rat's ass. ☺

Some of the statements in the latter half of your entry apply to a T for me. :\ I can't tell you how EXCITING it was way back in Fall of 2000 when I first got on AIM and anybody and everybody was a dear, dear friend. But mmyeah, Time is a force to be reckon with (although Captain Picard would have you believe Time is your companion in life; it's one or the other).

Still interested in your run-down of contemporary lit though. :) Lord knows I want to make it into adulthood without the likes of 4chan corrupting my every thought and uttered vocabulary (and I don't even visit that site). And I don't mean a moral corruption; it's the corruption of something worse- the ability to think for one's self. It's an attribute much of the general Internet community doesn't care to nourish. (of course the fallout is having to make long, pissing rants about it on LJ such as what I'm doing now. oops. ^_~) But all the same, I ♥ your multitude of book recommendations (...!)

But all the same, a creative outlet can be whatever you want it to be (even on the World Wicked Web). :3

[papajoemambo.livejournal.com]

I'm still reading you.

And I still get a great deal out of what you write.