I'm so disappointed ...

I'm so depressed ...

I want so much more out of life ...


I mean, it's like, DONE. People have read it. People have put it up for review. It's not like Kevin O'Neill is still taking forever drawing it. Alan Moore, that big bearded blabbermouth, has an enormous interview talking ALL ABOUT THAT and teasing me to no end on Newsarama. It's ready. WHY IS IT NOT IN MY HANDS?

And why am I so upset about this? I mean, it's a published fanfic, based on works that are published. Not only are they in the stores, not only are they in the library, THEY ARE IN MY GODDAMNED ROOM.

I have The Invisible Man and 2,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the primary docs for two of the main characters in book one and two, in my room. I haven't read it. I could read that now.

I have War of the Worlds, which the whole second book was based on, in my room. I haven't read it. I could read THAT now.

I also have The Island of Dr. Moreau (Vol. 2), The Pearl (Vol. 1), The Complete Sherlock Holmes (Vol. 1), Moby Dick (Vol. 1), Don Quixote (Black Dossier), The Thirty Nine Steps (Black Dossier), Gulliver's Travels (Black Dossier), Fanny Hill (Black Dossier), Herland (okay, brief mention in the Almanac, but ...), The Coming Race (Black Dossier), The Iliad (Black Dossier), The Odyssey (Black Dossier) and Beowulf (Black Dossier). I could read ANY OF THOSE NOW. Many of them are probably MUCH BETTER than Century.

Hell, I am reading On the Road, which is referenced in the Dossier, RIGHT NOW. It is right next to me. I could just reach over and read it.

For all intents and purposes, I absolutely, positively, 100% do not need Century by any stretch of the imagination.


quietprofanity: (Smeyer Can't Read)
( Apr. 20th, 2009 10:34 pm)
Why does Guilty Pleasures take Marvel 12 issues to adapt but Pride and Prejudice only takes five?

Also, why do all of the Bennet sisters have that Greg Land-esque "please jizz in my mouth" face? Hell, Mrs. Bennet kind of has it. Ew.

Also, that shouldn't bother me more than the horrible, condescending cover but it does.
From here.

Dear Mr. Sanctimonious Know-It-All,

I'm sorry you and your son hadn't read what was frankly a really enjoyable series (and one which I wish I could have followed in its second incarnation, but what with the lack of time and lack of funds and all ...) but if you had, you would have known that the Spider-Girl comic had pretty much little-to-no cheesecake*, no bad words, a strong female heroine, romantic subplots, a light-hearted tone and ... hey, sounds pretty much EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID. Isn't that funny?

Oh, wait, it wasn't manga. And it actually had a tie to the Spider-Man series. Because former Spider-Man-esque titles that cut ties with it did so well. And all girls like is manga, right? Yay gender assumptions!

And does it maybe occur to you that the last issue of the series is going to maybe WANT to be a legacy deal for story purposes? You know, given that its diverse group of fanboys AND fangirls have been working to save this series for years now? But I guess that all could have been helped if you'd just came in and told us what we really wanted to see, huh?

We don't need your help, dude.
[livejournal.com profile] quietprofanity

*And that splash is a crotch shot? You've got to be fucking kidding me.
quietprofanity: (Sabra - Pissed (or Jewish))
( Apr. 11th, 2009 11:28 pm)
Click here for background.

Man, is it just me or is Firestar's costume looking really boring lately?

I'm feelin' the rage building around this, although I'm not feeling it for myself. One because my heart has hardened into a black rock of cynicism, but two because I feel like this has been something that's been passed around the Marvel Comics HQ for awhile and it's finally come to fruition just because it's BEEN THERE for awhile. I remember [livejournal.com profile] papajoemambo suggesting to me that this was an idea they had, although I thought it turned into Alias. I'm guessing they've just gotten stuck on it and want to see it done through hell or highwater, just because it's there. That's probably why the Watchmen movie got made.

But why now, really? I mean, Sex and the City has been off the air for five years now. Combining it with superheroes has already been done and didn't their last sexy girls book with the Black Cat and an underused African-American heroine not do so well and was not helped because Marvel kind of showed it didn't really give a shit what the female audience thought.

I don't know. I kind of say what I've said when I read the horrible Mary Jane novel and the I-remain-unimpressed by it Mary Jane/Mary Jane: Homecoming/Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane series: if I wanted to read romance I would read romance. I mean, I don't think I would love Sex and the City but I figure they know what they're doing.
quietprofanity: (Kagami - Books)
( Apr. 6th, 2009 12:22 pm)
I finished Universe X Vol. 1 and I decided I will never, ever, ever read Vol. 2. This is totally the most unpleasant comic book to read ever. Not the worst comic ever. Not the comic I hate the most. But I've never read a comic that was more BORING and TEDIOUS and FRUSTRATING. Who the hell thinks it's a great idea to make a comic that spends 30 percent of its time explaining the new origins of the Living Mummy and MoonKnight and then KILL THEM? And don't get me started on the useless new characters. Especially the ones that try to have character development. (Yes, I'm looking at you, Charmer.)

Also, this book turns me into a misogynist. Every time I see May Parker I want to slap her in the mouth. And by May Parker I mean "Mayday" Parker. Yes, this series turned Spider-Girl into an irritating brat. I think it deserves to be called a crime against humanity for that alone.

Okay, so she was tolerable in Earth X: Spidey and she has a great costume but for most of the series she's like the prototypical Obnoxious Little Bitch Teenager and most of her "comedic dialogue" is her telling her dad what a complete loser he is. Granted, this series does contain some of the worst Spider-Man dialogue ever, too, but it still doesn't endear me to her.

Oh yeah, and I did read the Paradise X: Heralds thing when it came out. I didn't really like the Spider-Girl there either, because her main character arc was how she became the next Jubilee. And Wolverine/Spunky Young Teenager is pretty much my anti-OTP.
(No, LibraryThing, I WILL NOT LOVE THIS BOOK. You suck.)

First off, I want to start my review with the observation that this story is ten years old. Like, it's so old that the dystopian future has multiple panels with the WTC. ... I KNOW! I feel old, too. :-( This is especially since it makes me realize I've been meaning to read it for 10 years. A WHOLE DECADE and it was NOT worth the wait. If you've read the book/series, a lot of what I say in the book will be old news, because this review is a lot of it's new-to-me bitching about it. Just warning you.

quietprofanity: (Default)
( Mar. 2nd, 2009 08:38 pm)
Chris made me look like I can draw with his INKS OF AWESOME.

This article is relevant to my interests.

In the wake of Watchmen: 24 more graphic novels we’d like to see made into movies

I'm not turning this into a meme. (Although I turned it into a shopping list a bit.) I do want to say a few things about it, though.

8. Craig Thompson, Blankets
I can't believe the people in the comments are saying Thompson's art isn't expressive enough to be translated to animation. That's just bullshit. I think this would be best as an animated movie, really. It COULD work as live action (with some special effects for the dream sequences) but I think animation would better achieve the dreamlike, expressive quality of the work.

9. Brian K. Vaughan, Runaways

12. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman: Season Of Mists
I agree wholeheartedly with their assertion, in fact I ALWAYS thought that if Sandman was ever going to come to the big screen, they should start with this story and not with the first two volumes. I mean, it opens with The Endless, who are really the big draw of the series. I think it's the perfect starting point, honestly. And I like their Guillermo del Toro suggestion. Hey, we're in a fantasy world, right?

16. Dave Sim, Cerebus: High Society
... Really?

22. Charles Burns, Black Hole
Parts of the graphic novel annoyed me, but I got to admit I'm kind of depressed they junked Gaiman's script for it. Unless it totally sucks. Then you can ignore me.

24. Alan Moore, The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen
LOL! Actually, if they just ... y'know, adapted the second volume as is and ignored the first movie I'd be happy about that.
I don't seem to do anything useful by myself. Of course, I've only been up for an hour or so. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I don't get it, though. I got sleepy REALLY SUDDENLY at 11 p.m. or so and then only slept for like, six and a half hours.

Yesterday was okay. I made a Rorschach mask and bought a hat, plus a sunhat for Israel. Now that I have this stuff I feel like I'm mostly ready, even if I haven't started packing and am afraid I'm going to forget something really important, like my passport. I also did ironing for my clothes that I used to wear to work. We'll see what happens.

I'm reading a lot. Short stories from The Best American Short Stories 1998 (So far, Garrison Keillor has much better taste than Sue Miller -- well, the latter picked Alice Munro, so there you go.). More of Dickens, which has kind of turned around now that he had his affair. And Infodump: The Graphic Novel ... er, Earth X. (BTW, if the latter alternate reality takes place during a food shortage, why are so many of the ex-superheroes fat?)

By the way, since I'm so behind, here are some bare-bones thoughts on what I've read and watched this year.

Reviews )
How did I not hear about this controversy? (Picture here.) Or is it not a controversy but just something Wills made up? Whatever. You're all fired.*

I would have gone with "Loch Ness Monster" too, actually.

I kind of want to rant about some annoying buzzkill "Watchmen will suck and if you're excited you suck" pre-movie downers, but I don't feel like it and it's really not more deep than "Man, why you have to ruin my fun?"

Still, I resent the implication that because I'm looking forward to this I don't think deeply about the book and probably skipped the text sections or whatever. Bah. Also, Jesus, do you know how often Hollywood fucks up all-text classics? Like maybe how the most famous version of Wuthering Heights cut out half the book? Come on, now.

*The LoEG fandom is hiring. OMG! Part one of Century comes out in April. ARE YOU EXCITED? I AM TOTALLY EXCITED!
I read another Mr. A story and I feel the need to share it with you all. I want to say something like I did not know it could get crazier than that last story, but I always had the SUSPICION it could get crazier, because "Count Rogue" was far crazier than "Money" which was a bit crazier than "Angel" so it's not as if this isn't a trend.

This new Mr. A story, however, has what is pretty much the BEST. PANEL. EVER. I love it so much. I love Ditko for creating it. I even love Ayn Rand for being responsible for it coming into existance. I LOVE IT.


Maybe I have a heightened sensitivity given that I just got laid off and am kind of bummed out in general. I mean, I cried during Coraline last night. Really. But this panel just leaves me in hysterics. I just can't think of anything better than Mr. A -- even a FAKE Mr. A -- fucking charging into the window of a cafe with torches that look like Q-tips and saying ... well, that. I'm kind of laughing at it right now.

But let's make this scientific. Let me check the last thing I declared the best panel ever.


Nope, sorry. Looks like we've got a new champion.

Madness? This is ... er, CRAZYTOWN! )
Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given.

*Mr. A
Mr. A's just fascinated me ever since I've heard of him, which I think was when [livejournal.com profile] papajoemambo put up some splash pages, and the more I hear the more I love in an inappropriately ironic way. His status as one of the inspirations for Rorschach -- my favorite character in Watchmen -- is a part of it. That he's basically the Gary Stu mouthpiece for the second, lesser-known half of the team that created Spider-Man is another. It also helps that his stories are fucking insane but also TOTALLY SINCERE and convinced they are THE BEST THING EVER. I mean, that's actually kind of cute. The fact that Ditko's id unleashed is still quality enough that creators who think Objectivism is a big fat turd nevertheless draw inspiration from his work I think is testament to how oddly likable these stories are.

*Pink! (The color, not the...uh, singer)
I actually kind of like the singer. Not the early stuff, but "So What?" is fun to blare in the car. And I picked my color layouts for the purple, but since I was asked ... I actually quite like pink. I went through a phase where I was all, "Eww! Pink is for wussy girls, I'm not a wussy girl" but I grew out of it. I have a couple of pink shirts and I think I look good in the darker shades. Pink can be fun to kind of own in a semi-ironic way, too. This is why I have a pink Nintendo DS, a big pink carrying case, and a pink PURSE for my DS. Laugh all you want, the guy who sold me the last one was totally jealous. (This is true.)

Urusei Yatsura isn't something I watch all the time. (Mostly because it is EXPENSIVE and semi-out of print.) But I've always loved Lum. She's sexy, she's funny, she's mostly nice but she can kick your ass WITH FUCKING ELECTRIC SHOCKS. She's awesome! I like her so much I've showed UY stuff to my cousins who were probably not old enough for it and they loved her too. Yeah, she can play into the bimbo/sexy alien girl stereotype sometimes, but I think she subverts enough that you can just watch in joy. As my cousin (who later named one of her stuffed animals after Lum, DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THAR?) said, "She's pretty and she flies and she has a neat outfit and she has powers." She does indeed.

I like to write a lot. It was part of the profession I had up until ... oh, two days ago. (Shit.) I remember wanting to be a writer from when I was REALLY LITTLE because I liked stories so much, even if I never had the discipline to finish my stories until I started writing fanfic (which is kind of sad). While I've had my blocked periods, I can't imagine a life without writing, and when I can write, especially for fun, I feel a lot better in body and mind overall. It's just ... yeah. I don't want to say it's MY LIFE, because that is silly and too reductive and not what makes you a good writer anyway, but it's a major part of my life.

*Comic book meta
... Can I be meta about comic book meta? I feel like my brain might explode ... I don't know. I remember when I really got into the Internet fandom I always really liked reading people expounding on Spider-Man or whatever, even if it was goofy stuff like which Green Goblin was their favorite or something like that, so I guess I'm just sort of doing the same thing and adding my own spin. I spent a lot of time writing for Sequential Tart at one point, too. I don't know if I did a great job there, but it exposed me to a lot. Anyway, it's fun to expound on these things and figure out why characters do what they do and what creators might have been thinking. Kind of like fanfic, only more straightforward and the fetishes aren't as sexy.
Plus, I'm too depressed to finally write the sex scene in that Laurie/Veidt fanfic I was working on for weeks. So this is the best productive-useless thing I can do.

Also, I know it's old. I don't care.

50 Things Every Comics Collection Truly Needs )

Twenty-Five Things Every Comics Collection Truly Needs To Be Awesome )
quietprofanity: (Konata - Twincest)
( Feb. 10th, 2009 08:44 pm)
I tried watching Shock Treatment tonight, expecting either an amusing trifle or the wost movie ever made. Around the thirty minute mark I got the sudden urge to get up and clean things. I guess that's the best indicator of its quality, anyway. Especially since I haven't figured out WHY I'm not into it, despite the fact that I'm not expecting Rocky Horror by any means.

Oh well.

Okay, anyway, I also remembered this was something I was willing to do ... [steps up to the microphone, taps it] test test ...



I mean, from my vantage-point, both comics feature goofy villains, ridiculous side characters, a heroine who often gets tied up/unclothed and aspirations to higher feminist ideals despite their pornographic nature.

Now, from the brief bits I've seen of both series, I'll totally admit that Empowered has made me giggle. (Specifically this part.) Whereas Tarot just makes me stare in open-mouthed horror.

I also have a suspicion I may like Empowered because at one point I willingly watched all I could find of Cutey Honey, even Re: Cutie Honey i.e. the animated adaption of the live action movie, i.e. the cartoon wherein the bad guy powers her evil machine with THE POWER OF 1,000 WOMEN'S ORGASMS!

Look, take away my feminist card if you must (NO! IT'S MINE!) but I have John Waters' sensibility when it comes to sex humor. Non sequiturs are my best friends.

Plus, nobody who draws bishonen Peter Parker can be bad, right?

But I want to hear your answers. If anyone will answer. HELP ME, INTERNET!
Me: [surfing surfing surfing ... finds this list.]

Me: Ooooh ... well, I have some of those at least. Where's the original?

[Finds it.]

Me: Ah ... the snooty list. Well, at least I have #40 (and others). Mmmm ... but this list slightly depresses me. It seems even when you go to the far quality corners of comics, you still run up against the white, male, straight monolith. That's kind of a drag.

[surf surf surf ... finds THIS! (occasionally NSFW)]

Me: ... oooooooh.

[reads everything tonight]

Me: Yay! Yay! ... Hey, wait a minute! [flips through "True Porn 2" trade, gasps!] I KNOW THIS ARTIST! I LOVED HER BIT! SHE IS STILL GOOD! :D :D :D Yaaaaaaay!

(I have a long love-hate relationship with webcomics, so this is really significant. I'll tell you guys about it later.)


I also watched the huge-ass Lynda Carter Wonder Woman pilot and it was great. You heard me, great. I loved it. I'm not going to be all "I loved it, but it was campy" or say I love it because it's stupid. No, I genuinely like it and found it really satisfying. Yeah, it's not incredibly sophisticated or serious, but it's not half as corny as that Live-Action Sailor Moon that I watched every episode of. (Even when my Windows Media player decided to play most of it in Pause-O-Vision for the last half of the season.) My only major complaints were the Nazi scenes were kind of boring and the fight choreography kind of sucks but I am looking forward to watching the rest of the series. YAY!

(Ironically, I've got a cold and embarrassing pains that made it hard to walk at one point today. Still a good day to be a comic fan, though.)
Back when I did my review of An American Carol I determined that there's a difference between a fan and a cheerleader and most ideological art has the latter instead of the former. When I read the comments on An American Carol that said shit like, "I loved it! I'm going back with 12 of my friends!" and nothing more, I determined that these people CANNOT BE FANS because people who are fanatic about something do not bring 12 of their friends to see something, they talk about it so much -- quoting the lines repeatedly, at the very least -- that their friends are sick of hearing about it before they're even dragged in the theater/to the bookstore/wherever. Fans are why the worst thing you can do is see Monty Python and the Holy Grail with someone who can recite all the lines.

That sort of shit is about fun. Cheerleaders are about propping up the philosophy of a certain ideology professed by the work. They are not that interested in fun unless that fun involves beating the other team. I don't know that much about Objectivism beyond what I've picked up through cultural osmosis and some anti-Objectivist essays. (I own a copy of Atlas Shrugged that's remained unread for more than a year.) But from everything I've heard they're not big on this "fun" thing. Usually they scoff at anyone who likes Ayn Rand's novels for anything OTHER than a way bring the philosophy to the masses. Or at least that's what the Hank/Francisco slashers tell me, anyway.

That is not me. I am about fun. And I come to introduce you to the Funnest Objectivist Thing Ever: Mr. A.

The Epic Battle Between the Jarheads and the Nimrods Starts HERE! )
quietprofanity: (Kagami - Books)
( Jan. 30th, 2009 08:32 am)
Read another Mr. A story. I kind of love this stuff in that lulzy way that you're not supposed to love Objectivist stories because Objectivism is SERIOUS BIZNESS and all that. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. The huge speeches! The OMG IRONIC character names! The strawvillains with their thought processes and character motivations that make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER! It is wonderful, you guys! Wonderful! Why do I keep using explanation points?

Also, the recent story made me revise my opinion of Mr. A as one of those guys who are an average lover but are convinced that you sucking their dick is the best thing that ever happened to you. Nah, I was too hasty: He is a big, stonking VIRGIN. More on this later. Possibly with pictures.


I bought Darwyn Cooke's Will Eisner's The Spirit (hee) Vol. 1 today at the local comic book store, as well as bit the bullet and special ordered Earth X. (Yes, I know the latter isn't good but ... look, I have my reasons. Leave me alone!) Then I got in a fifteen-minute talk with the (female) store owner about a lot of different comics, most of them centering around Alan Moore's work and Obama's guest appearances. (She also tells me I'm far too prejudiced against 300 and it's really good even if a lot of Miller's stuff is crap.) I really liked talking with her, but I was worry I'm being THAT GUY (only a female version) when I do this. At least I had enough foresight not to talk about fanfiction.


Speaking of Miller's crap, I don't want to read ASBAR, but I have to say I really love All-Star Batgirl's costume. Like, I love it so much I might want this action figure. I mean, it has adorable little charms. Come on! There's no sin in liking adorable little charms, is there? :-(


I finally passed the 700-page mark in Dickens. Now only the 800-page mark, 900-page mark, 1,000-page mark and done mark to go. [sigh] Is he going to have his affair yet, Ackroyd? Oh, I'm sorry, his NOT-AFFAIR where he left his wife for a 17-year-old who he didn't have sex with and they just, like, hung out and stuff because he adored her too much to have sex with her despite having 10 kids plus miscarriages with his ex-wife. (BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLSHIT.) At least something will happen. I'm tiring of hearing about his boring work on newspapers and where he went on vacation.


Points of View has some truly kickass stories despite having Alice Munro. The last few I read were just un-putdownable. "Act of Faith" and "Doby's Gone" especially.


Okay, I'm going to be late. Got to run.
quietprofanity: (Default)
( Jan. 4th, 2009 08:00 am)
Man, this sucks.

Although it doesn't really affect my life because I don't read the newspaper comics. Hell, I haven't read the new Marvel comics for ... awhile now. Mostly because my job was keeping me preoccupied so I had to drop comics even before One More Day/Brand New Day came out. So I didn't really contribute to the "vote with my wallet" initiative. I suspect they don't care about money anyway, given how adamant Quesada was about this.

My boyfriend has been whining to me about my Marvel apathy. (I taught him the term "harshing my squee" and now he says that to me all the time.) But at least that's pretty much all it is: apathy. I don't want to play the "you have a responsibility to buy the books you like" game anymore. And I'm not going to get excited about these big crossover events only to have them come out late and be annoying. I can still squee, even if most of that squee has been taken up getting excited over a comic that came out when I was 1-years-old. I just, don't feel it for Marvel much anymore, I'm afraid.

And while I'm complaining, I just want to say this: Peter Parker should have never married Gwen Stacy. Actually, scratch that. GWEN STACY should have never married Peter Parker because she threw herself at him and he was a total prick to her. Right before her death he thought she was cheating on him with Flash. That relationship sucked, sucked, SUUUUU-CKED.
Like a lot of geeks, I have an mp3/wav file of "Mahna Mahna". At the end of the mp3 file, Statler and Waldorf have a conversation that goes something like this.

W: "That was wonderful!"
S: "Bravo!"
W: "I loved that!"
S: "It was great."
W: "Well, it was pretty good."
S: "Well, it wasn't bad."
W: "Well, there were parts of it that weren't very good, though."
S: "It could have been a lot better."
W: "I didn't really like it."
S: "It was pretty terrible."
W: "It was bad."
S: "It was awful."
W: "Ah, it was terrible!
S: "Get them away!"
W: "Boo!"
S: "Boo!"

My mindset reading Black Hole, the 10-year horror comic project of artist/writer Charles Burns, was a little like that. Well, I don't think I ever got to the "Boo!" point, maybe just to the "It could have been a lot better" point, but the slow eroding of good feeling serves my purpose pretty well.



quietprofanity: (Default)


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