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Vaporware no more: 31 lost projects we're hoping to see in the wake of Chinese Democracy by The Onion A.V. Club
(Numbers are theirs, words below are mine. You can do this too if you want.)
1. The Watchmen movie
At this point, yeah, I do want to see it. I'm disappointed by some of the choices they've made, and I don't know if I totally trust Zach Snyder as the director, but I think the movie will be fun overall and hope the lawsuit doesn't kill the project.
2. Alan Moore's Twilight Of The Super-Heroes
PFFT! Yeah, like that's going to happen.
Perfect world? I'd say let this one be. The plot itself seems like a fun fanfic to watch, but some bits of it I don't like. Wonder Woman becomes Superwoman when she marries Superman? Ugh. No, thank you. Having The Question play "Rorschach" is also a lame re-tread.
3. Miracleman #25 and beyond
No. Maybe this is because of my age but I really, really, really can't bring myself to care about the Marvelman/Miracleman kerfuffle. I don't have any interest in tracking this down or any hypothetical continuation. Let's move on.
4. The Roxy Music reunion album
Not that big a music fan.
5. David Lynch's Ronnie Rocket
Sure, why not? I haven't seen as much Lynch as I liked, but I dug Blue Velvet.
6. Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
I've actually never seen the first one ... My slightly-annoying ex-roommate was way into it. Is it worth seeing for non-psychopaths?
7. The third My Bloody Valentine album
I know nothing about this.
8. TR2N
I thought the old special effects were the best part of Tron ... seriously?
9. George R.R. Martin's A Dance With Dragons
Never read anything by this guy.
10. The Last Dangerous Visions
Or Harlan.
11. The Secret History movie
Or this book ... is it good?
12. Francis Ford Coppola's Megalopolis
Maybe this was a mistake and I just got all excited by all the Alan Moore stuff up front. I'd watch it, though.
13. Clipse's Exclusive Audio Footage
Dunno this.
14. Terry Gilliam's The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
This I would want to see. I should actually watch Lost in La Mancha. Or maybe read the original book, first. I've had that thing for a year ...
15. The Deadwood and Carnivàle movies
I'm surprised these shows got cancelled. So many people seemed to love them ... I didn't watch them, though. I don't like TV.
16. Neil Young's Archives
No interest.
17-18. Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Animated Series and Ripper
I would watch a Buffy Animated Series, but I'm a little miffed that Buffy was never planned to be SMG. (Sheesh, she's so picky.) It would be nice to have happy Buffy, anyway. Especially since the comic books, which I still plan to watch one day, seem like emo weirdness. Ripper ... eh. You'd have to have him younger, wouldn't you? Would Giles be Giles without Anthony Head? I think not ... Although having an Giles go crazy and go slaughter villains would be novel, if a little hard to believe.
19. The Day The Clown Cried
Oh man, I don't know ... My love of camp is conflicting with my horror at the concept. I almost think its blunder in such a sensitive subject would make it too hard to turn into, say, a Plan 9 from Outer Space or a Troll 2, you know? But then again ... the car wreck! Ack! So confused!
20. Song Of The South on DVD
Yeah, you know, I actually do want to see this and would like to see it on DVD so long as Disney markets it correctly. Like if they didn't sell it on the shelves at Wal-Mart but you could maybe buy it online and with explicit markings about its insensitive contact. And maybe a disclaimer, kind of like what Looney Tunes has done since its put some of the Censored Eleven on DVDs. I don't know. I also think it's sort of hypocritical for Disney to market the trappings of the movie in stuff like the Splash Mountain Ride and using "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" in montages but the actual movie is like, "No, no, no we can't show it!" I don't know if I think the film should be released for that reason, but it is rather like, "Heeeeey, look at this! No, wait! Not really!"
21. The Decline Of Western Civilization series on DVD
I don't know if I'd buy these, but I'd rent them. They sound interesting.
22. Holy Terror, Batman! (a.k.a. Holy War, Batman!)
Oh, Lord. If this ever comes out (and given Frank Miller's notoriously slow output as of late) I'll enjoy seeing other people rip on it, for sure. I don't expect to enjoy it at all though, no way. I had enough jingoistic right-wing "satire" for the next five years when I watched An American Carol. I'm glad it won't be about Batman anymore, though.
23. The second Black Star album
Not my thing.
24. Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk
Also not my thing. The Ultimate Universe has really lost its novelty appeal. I haven't read a USM trade since the crappiness that was Ultimate Six. I don't really miss much.
25. Neutral Milk Hotel, official demos collection
Huzziwhat?
26. The Arrested Development movie
I ... uh ... don't watch this show. [runs away before the hordes come after her with pitchforks]
27. The Confederacy Of Dunces movie
I wonder if Don Quixotie has some kind of curse on him ... I haven't read the book yet but it seems like a worthwhile endeavor, at least.
28. Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League
WHAT? I'd never heard of this.
29. Lauryn Hill's studio follow-up to The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill
I've never really been into Lauryn Hill. I don't remember any of her songs besides that kind of lame re-make of "Strumming my Pain" anyway.
30. Duke Nukem Forever
I never played the first one. I was a Tomb Raider girl, what can I say?
31. The second coming of Jesus Christ
Sheesh. Joke entry. (And no.)
(Numbers are theirs, words below are mine. You can do this too if you want.)
1. The Watchmen movie
At this point, yeah, I do want to see it. I'm disappointed by some of the choices they've made, and I don't know if I totally trust Zach Snyder as the director, but I think the movie will be fun overall and hope the lawsuit doesn't kill the project.
2. Alan Moore's Twilight Of The Super-Heroes
PFFT! Yeah, like that's going to happen.
Perfect world? I'd say let this one be. The plot itself seems like a fun fanfic to watch, but some bits of it I don't like. Wonder Woman becomes Superwoman when she marries Superman? Ugh. No, thank you. Having The Question play "Rorschach" is also a lame re-tread.
3. Miracleman #25 and beyond
No. Maybe this is because of my age but I really, really, really can't bring myself to care about the Marvelman/Miracleman kerfuffle. I don't have any interest in tracking this down or any hypothetical continuation. Let's move on.
4. The Roxy Music reunion album
Not that big a music fan.
5. David Lynch's Ronnie Rocket
Sure, why not? I haven't seen as much Lynch as I liked, but I dug Blue Velvet.
6. Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
I've actually never seen the first one ... My slightly-annoying ex-roommate was way into it. Is it worth seeing for non-psychopaths?
7. The third My Bloody Valentine album
I know nothing about this.
8. TR2N
I thought the old special effects were the best part of Tron ... seriously?
9. George R.R. Martin's A Dance With Dragons
Never read anything by this guy.
10. The Last Dangerous Visions
Or Harlan.
11. The Secret History movie
Or this book ... is it good?
12. Francis Ford Coppola's Megalopolis
Maybe this was a mistake and I just got all excited by all the Alan Moore stuff up front. I'd watch it, though.
13. Clipse's Exclusive Audio Footage
Dunno this.
14. Terry Gilliam's The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
This I would want to see. I should actually watch Lost in La Mancha. Or maybe read the original book, first. I've had that thing for a year ...
15. The Deadwood and Carnivàle movies
I'm surprised these shows got cancelled. So many people seemed to love them ... I didn't watch them, though. I don't like TV.
16. Neil Young's Archives
No interest.
17-18. Buffy The Vampire Slayer: The Animated Series and Ripper
I would watch a Buffy Animated Series, but I'm a little miffed that Buffy was never planned to be SMG. (Sheesh, she's so picky.) It would be nice to have happy Buffy, anyway. Especially since the comic books, which I still plan to watch one day, seem like emo weirdness. Ripper ... eh. You'd have to have him younger, wouldn't you? Would Giles be Giles without Anthony Head? I think not ... Although having an Giles go crazy and go slaughter villains would be novel, if a little hard to believe.
19. The Day The Clown Cried
Oh man, I don't know ... My love of camp is conflicting with my horror at the concept. I almost think its blunder in such a sensitive subject would make it too hard to turn into, say, a Plan 9 from Outer Space or a Troll 2, you know? But then again ... the car wreck! Ack! So confused!
20. Song Of The South on DVD
Yeah, you know, I actually do want to see this and would like to see it on DVD so long as Disney markets it correctly. Like if they didn't sell it on the shelves at Wal-Mart but you could maybe buy it online and with explicit markings about its insensitive contact. And maybe a disclaimer, kind of like what Looney Tunes has done since its put some of the Censored Eleven on DVDs. I don't know. I also think it's sort of hypocritical for Disney to market the trappings of the movie in stuff like the Splash Mountain Ride and using "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" in montages but the actual movie is like, "No, no, no we can't show it!" I don't know if I think the film should be released for that reason, but it is rather like, "Heeeeey, look at this! No, wait! Not really!"
21. The Decline Of Western Civilization series on DVD
I don't know if I'd buy these, but I'd rent them. They sound interesting.
22. Holy Terror, Batman! (a.k.a. Holy War, Batman!)
Oh, Lord. If this ever comes out (and given Frank Miller's notoriously slow output as of late) I'll enjoy seeing other people rip on it, for sure. I don't expect to enjoy it at all though, no way. I had enough jingoistic right-wing "satire" for the next five years when I watched An American Carol. I'm glad it won't be about Batman anymore, though.
23. The second Black Star album
Not my thing.
24. Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk
Also not my thing. The Ultimate Universe has really lost its novelty appeal. I haven't read a USM trade since the crappiness that was Ultimate Six. I don't really miss much.
25. Neutral Milk Hotel, official demos collection
Huzziwhat?
26. The Arrested Development movie
I ... uh ... don't watch this show. [runs away before the hordes come after her with pitchforks]
27. The Confederacy Of Dunces movie
I wonder if Don Quixotie has some kind of curse on him ... I haven't read the book yet but it seems like a worthwhile endeavor, at least.
28. Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League
WHAT? I'd never heard of this.
29. Lauryn Hill's studio follow-up to The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill
I've never really been into Lauryn Hill. I don't remember any of her songs besides that kind of lame re-make of "Strumming my Pain" anyway.
30. Duke Nukem Forever
I never played the first one. I was a Tomb Raider girl, what can I say?
31. The second coming of Jesus Christ
Sheesh. Joke entry. (And no.)
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From:
no subject
There was one scrapped Disney Movie, Kingdom of the Sun, I've always wondered about since I read about it in a big book on Disney films back in 1996 (listed right alongside Hercules, Mulan, and Tarzan- or was there also supposed to be a Frankenstein...?). Supposedly the brass underestimated the final cost of realizing their vision, so the studio simply threw all the work away and what we got instead was The Emperor's New Groove.
Ahah, I'm one of those few human beings left who didn't watch Arrested Development, as much as it gets gushed over at my school.. ;D
We could always pretend the clown movie was actually an alternate title for Life is Beautiful and leave it at that...? :>
From:
no subject
Wiki has got Some Kingdom of the Sun info. I can see where the original plot wouldn't have been too exciting, but I do miss the epic-ness of some Disney plots, which seem to have been done away for poor Shrek imitations.
I'm really looking forward to this film, which went from Shrek-knockoff to genuine fairytale. We need some magic in our irony-ridden age.
I actually think I heard about The Day the Clown Cried in relation to Life is Beautiful. I actually think the former is sitting in the back of someone's closet somewhere. If they ever release it, it would be the UR DOING IT WRONG version of Life is Beautiful.